Big Sis Meliss is back

Wowww it has officially been over a month since I last posted here! I'm sorry yall. I can say that I've been busy but I'm pretty sure you all have too! It's true that I am really really lacking in managing time tho. Everyday I need God's deliverance, not just in this area - This past month I've been humbled by God showing me how limited I really am. I've tried changing my bad habits, managing my sins, improving my weak areas with all kinds of methods, even shopping for a therapist to "fix" me, and after all my efforts I still feel defeated. I've had days this past month where I've broken down from being overwhelmed, didn't want to get out of bed to face the day's responsibilities, and looked in the mirror and told myself, "You suck!"

But whenever I come to be still before God, He says something along the lines of, "Melissa, I am ALL you need. You are mine. Trust that I can save you, like I already have. This is more than just about you. Your life is to make my Name great among everyone around you." Then I realize how self-centered and self-sufficient I am. I have been relying on myself to be a better person and get my life together. Even when I come before Jesus I feel like my weaknesses and sins are too much for Him to handle. And my aim in life has been to be balanced and in order, that I've forgotten what my true focus should be - the very theme of our mission trip: shining the light of Jesus in & through my life!

So as much as Jesus has been breaking me down, I praise Him. I really needed Him to show me that I literally can't do ANYTHING without Him. It really make me long for His presence throughout the day, as I'm waking up, getting ready, driving, working, studying, replying to emails, cleaning the house, being with people - because if I don't I'll slip back into my familiar self-centered ways. And as He's with me, even though I'm just as busy and my life circumstances haven't change, there is a renewed joy of being alive in Him and living for Him! I just need to realize that it's in my spiritual "high's" that I need him the most though, or else I'll start relying on my own righteousness...

"It happens so regularly that it’s predictable. The moment I decide to do good, sin is there to trip me up. I truly delight in God’s commands, but it’s pretty obvious that not all of me joins in that delight. Parts of me covertly rebel, and just when I least expect it, they take charge. I’ve tried everything and nothing helps. I’m at the end of my rope. Is there no one who can do anything for me? Isn’t that the real question? The answer, thank God, is that Jesus Christ can and does. He acted to set things right in this life of contradictions where I want to serve God with all my heart and mind, but am pulled by the influence of sin to do something totally different.^"
-Romans 7:21-25 [the Message!]

You've all been an encouragement by the way you're taking this mission trip seriously and sharing your insights on the Word! I like how we can see what's going on in your lives too so we can cover each other in prayer. Can't wait til we can get together and make thangs happen!

p.s. Physically I was jogging 30 minutes straight at one point (3 weeks ago), and then stopped exercising because I was sleeping later and eating lots of junk food. David's been inspiring me to work out tho - he's on that protein powder and bowflex diet - those arms gettin yoked!

An encouraging letter that Jackie dropped off recently...

 with just the right treat to make my day! Thank you :)